The pain doesn't come from not being what you should or can be

The pain doesn’t come from you not being what you should or can be;
The pain comes from you not allowing what you Already Are to come through he says.

The ego isn’t real so there is no killing of it,
Allowing what you are to come through naturally erodes it she says.

I can’t wait for the anxiety and the knots in my belly to tell me when I’m not allowing what I am to come through.

I’m special and it’s ok. I’m not special and it’s ok. 
Letting go of specialness, the ‘I’ needs to die again.
How many times do I have to die she asks?
The ego is already dead, she replies.
But it feels like I’m dying over and over again.
It can be there, but you don’t have to believe in it, she says.
I gasp, silence….
Mind can’t compute but Inner knowing pours out in endless wicked laughter.

Will you love me even if I achieve and do nothing?
Will you love me even in my arriving? Will you love me even in my trying? 

Will you love me if I stop asking what I want? Stop seeking? 
Will you love me if I stop trying? If I truly rested and did nothing?

’It’s not love if you have to do something for it.’

*2017// ESF: These poems are reflections from EarthShakerForum retreats with Joe Hudson